11 Methods Narcissists Deal with Their Exes (and How one can React)

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Belief me, you don’t need to know how narcissists deal with their exes. And if that they had a child (or youngsters) collectively… issues simply bought a complete lot extra difficult.

First, in case you are one among these folks coping with battle scars from a previous relationship with a narcissist, let me say that I empathize with you deeply for having to place up together with your ex. My ex-husband is a grandiose narcissist, so I’ve a good thought of how they deal with their wives throughout and after the connection ends.

In brief, narcissists (or narcs for brief) might be bitter and vindictive folks. They might persistently devalue and terrorize their exes after the connection ends.

I’ll break down how that performs out by declaring 11 issues they are saying and do to proceed making your life hell. Some get even extra vicious and nasty in direction of their exes. Simply while you suppose you’ve efficiently gotten rid of them, they present up once more to try to destroy you additional.

The information you acquire right here will assist arm you to cope with your ex accordingly. Remember to learn the “ACTION PLAN” examples of tips on how to cope and reply to their post-break-up techniques.

What Is a Narcissist? 

The time period ‘narcissist’ is the outline given to men and women who’re recognized with narcissistic character dysfunction (NPD). It’s additionally loosely used to discuss with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits and traits. In different phrases, a sample of habits that creates dysfunction in relationships and is dangerous to your psychological well being.

NPD is a psychological dysfunction listed within the Diagnostic and Statistical Guide of Psychological Problems (DSM-5) The handbook for scientific psychologists outlines the traits, traits, and behaviors of narcissists.

Some of the outstanding and across-the-board options is a lack of empathy. There are different traits you’ll discover relying on the kind of narc you’re coping with.

Traits and Traits

Narcissists are obsessive about being seen as particular, distinctive, superior, or highly effective. They’ll exit of their means to attract consideration to themselves. They wrestle with low vanity but are in a position to painting false self-confidence to attach socially. They’ve fragile egos which might be simply bruised by criticism and rejection.

Of their minds, all they need is to be cherished and admired however can’t perceive why others don’t get them. For one, they’re controlling and tough to cope with, particularly while you set up boundaries or they don’t get their means. One way or the other, their unhealthy habits intensifies after a divorce or breakup.

To be honest, not all narcissists behave in an antagonistic or evil means. Some are in a position to leverage traits, similar to management and dominance, to construct a profitable life.

How Do Individuals Grow to be Narcissists?

For many individuals, a narcissist is a narcissist no matter sort… and whether or not or not they’ve good intentions. One of many greatest issues folks have with them is their persistent selfishness and treating folks as objects to take advantage of for private features. The burning query is why do they act this fashion? Analysis exhibits that narcissism is linked to a number of components similar to:

  • Atmosphere: Overprotectiveness or receiving extreme compliments or criticism as a baby that doesn’t measure as much as their achievements or errors helps create the monster.
  • Parental neglect: Consideration-seeking behaviors and an ongoing seek for validation seen in narcissists might end result from neglect or abandonment as a baby. The kid feels inferior and develops low vanity.
  • Genetics: Narcissist traits can move from mum or dad to youngster.

How Narcissistic Behaviors Have an effect on Relationships

A love relationship with a narcissist adjustments you endlessly. Talking from private expertise, you’ll be able to go into it complete and are available out damaged. Narcs appear to have a handbook on tips on how to put on down your self-confidence and break your spirit.

Psychological manipulation and abuse techniques, similar to gaslighting, trauma-bonding, and making a codependent relationship, are used to weaken you emotionally and mentally. The extra time passes, the tougher it turns into so that you can finish the connection.

In accordance with PsychCentral, “Companions of narcissists really feel torn between their love and their ache, between staying and leaving, however they’ll’t appear to do both”. Some points chances are you’ll face on account of publicity to your narcissist ex are as follows:

  • Lowered vanity
  • Self-doubt
  • Feeling such as you’re not ok
  • Nervousness or melancholy
  • Belief points
  • Frightened of future intimate relationships
  • Unstable self-image
  • Guilt, disgrace, and self-blaming
  • Put up-traumatic stress
  • Intrusive ideas, confusion, or exaggerated worry of hazard

A few of the damaging results listed above are linked to narcissistic sufferer syndrome and can also come up in ladies who skilled emotional abuse.

Coping with a narcissistic husband or boyfriend can push an individual to start out or improve drug and alcohol use to manage. In case you’re experiencing these psychological results, it could be time to dump the narcissist.

Breaking apart doesn’t at all times imply you’ll be able to transfer on in peace and by no means hear out of your ex once more. Issues can get a bit sticky in the event you work or socialize in the identical surroundings or share kids.

Children might imply having to share custody and co-parenting together with your ex. In case you can determine with these circumstances, then the next crash course on how narcissists deal with their exes can put together you for what’s forward.

11 Methods Narcissists Deal with Their Exes and How one can React

Any one of many 5 fundamental sorts of narcissists is able to retaliation after a breakup. Whereas an overt narcissist will brazenly bash you, the covert sort will undertake extra refined or passive-aggressive strategies to proceed manipulating and pissing you off.

A narcissist’s playbook is full of techniques. Beneath are 11 they’re not afraid to make use of to maintain antagonizing you lengthy after the breakup. By protecting one step forward of their plans to wreck you, you’ll beat them as their very own sport. Equip your self with the next counter-tactics to deal with what they’re going to dish out.

#1. Blame you for the breakup

No matter who broke up with who, he’ll spin the narrative and make you the scapegoat. Gaslighting you once more by attempting to make you query your recollection of who really brought about the breakup. He may make a press release like “You didn’t love or deal with me proper, plus you acted loopy on a regular basis.”

Denying his position matches effectively into the narrative of him being the sufferer and also you the villain. Relaxation assured, that’s the story he’s promoting to his family and friends members in an try and degrade you. Enjoying the sufferer is one other means of getting them to resent you however empathize with him.

Motion plan: Inform him your recollection of occasions differs from his. Don’t argue with him. You may remind him of the horrible means he handled you utilizing messages or recordings as proof. Chances are high, he’ll deny or justify what he’s achieved. Inform him it’s over and it doesn’t matter who’s at fault. Finish the dialog there.

#2. Devalue you

What does the fox say if it could possibly’t get the grapes? “It’s bitter!” In case you had been the one to name it quits, he’ll act like he’s the one who dumped you. Perhaps he’ll name you loopy or silly for leaving such a ‘good’ man like him.

It’s possible you’ll be labeled as “broken items” or instructed you’re nothing however thrash no different man needs. Sure, it will get that nasty, and it’s wholly unfair so that you can be handled this fashion. It’s a vile try and destroy your vanity and self-confidence.

Narcissists will attempt to push you over the sting with dangerous and emotionally abusive statements to make you retaliate. In case you do, they’ll flip round and say, “You see, I instructed you you’re loopy.”

Motion plan: Such statements are additional makes an attempt to gaslight you and create self-doubt. Keep calm and preserve your feelings in examine. Don’t cry or beg him to go away you alone. He’ll solely devalue you extra now that he sees how a lot his statements devastate you.

#3. Run a public smear marketing campaign

Initiating a breakup with a narc is perceived as rejection. Getting rejected is taken as a narcissistic harm and can trigger narcissistic rage. Rejection is a blow to his fragile ego, so he has to take revenge.

Publicly smearing your status is a vindictive act meant to make you pay for no matter wrongs, slights, and narcissistic harm he feels he suffered within the relationship. He might publish any communication (textual content, photograph, or video) he has of you or distributes it to your social circle. If not, he’ll inform everybody you’re a ‘loopy’ chick. All of it’s to try to harm your status.

Motion plan: Don’t take it personally. Remind your self that that is somebody who’s performing out of spite. He gained’t be a cheerful camper till he’s in a position to one-up you. You may get hold of a stop and desist order from the court docket to get him to cease disparaging you. Speak to your lawyer about submitting a civil swimsuit for damages in case your well being, profession, or status is affected in consequence.

#4. Triangulate you

Triangulation means getting a 3rd individual concerned both throughout or after the connection ends. The person is normally an ex or his newest fling. In accordance with PsychCentral, the tactic is the narcissist’s greatest play.

She might unfairly evaluate you to the person she’s triangulating you with. For instance, by saying John is such a wise, type, and loving man. In case your ex does this, she’s devaluing you, attempting to make you jealous, and stirring up extra drama.

Don’t be shocked if she posts a photograph of her new man on her social media inside days or even weeks of the breakup with the caption, ‘My soulmate’. She’s attempting to make it seem like you meant nothing to her, which might throw you right into a state of unhappiness and melancholy.

Motion plan: Inform her you already know what she’s doing and that she’s entitled to her opinions. Want her effectively in her new romance. Lower ties along with her if she continues to rub one other man in your face. Taking her out of the image is an efficient approach to make her triangulation try an epic failure.

#5. Attempt to keep management over you

No matter the way you twist and switch it, a relationship with a narcissist has a excessive chance of turning poisonous. Their controlling and manipulative habits rapidly takes a toll on you.

After the breakup, he’ll nonetheless search to exert management over you. Be careful for sneaky methods like saying he needs to stay pals or will likely be round in the event you want something.

The so-called “friendship” permits him to know what’s happening in your life or preserve you as a booty name. It’s going to even be used as a medium to proceed the gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional abuse. 

Motion plan: Ship a robust message to your ex that you simply’re over him by not giving him any consideration. Let him know you don’t need to be pals. Don’t take his name, reply to his textual content or settle for invites to fulfill. Block him in your telephone, electronic mail, and social media if he doesn’t respect your resolution.

#6. Attempt to use you for intercourse

Individuals described as narcissists don’t have wholesome boundaries. A breakup doesn’t imply something to them. It’s enterprise as ordinary. They need to proceed interacting with you as if nothing occurred.

Calling, texting, wanting to fulfill up, and making sexual advances are all post-breakup behaviors which might be, fairly frankly, distasteful. He might ship you belongings you like, similar to flowers, presents, or cash. That is nothing however a love-bombing technique to get you to present in.

Motion plan: Keep away from contacting or responding to him as soon as the breakup is official. In the event that they contact you, reinforce the truth that you’re not a pair and request that they cease contacting you. Block his quantity if he refuses to abide by your request. Taking this step ought to put an finish to the narcissist provide he is getting from you.

#7. Maintain invading your house

Males vulnerable to narcissism don’t respect bodily or emotional boundaries–at the least not initially. They normally develop into much more relentless after a breakup, stopping at nothing to push previous your boundaries. Your ex may determine to secretly comply with you on social media, aka on-line stalking. He’ll save new images of you, your youngsters, and your new man.

You might even see a buddy request and DMs from him pop up after you unfriended him. Out of persistence, he may create a particular social media account to comply with you. One other technique is to stalk you and present up at locations you frequent.

Motion plan: These acts can convey on recent emotional misery, worry, anxiousness, or melancholy. Attempt to not react emotionally towards him. You may ask him to cease his antics, in writing to have proof. The subsequent step is to dam him on social media and your telephone. If he exhibits up once more, rinse and repeat. Stalking is an instance of intimate accomplice violence and against the law.

Make a report of harassment if he’s not backing down. Take offline stalking critically. Go away immediately if he exhibits up in individual. Make a police report and think about getting an order of restraint.

#8. Paint you because the evil mum or dad

Narcissists are consultants at utilizing what you’re keen on most to harm you. Greater than probably, it will likely be your kids. He’ll be enraged in the event you had been granted full custody. In essence, he’s diminished to a part-time, visitation dad. He’ll understand it as a lack of management and can resent you for it.

It’s time to take revenge for making him lose full-time entry to his youngsters and nonetheless must pay youngster assist. He’ll say imply and ugly issues about you to youngsters to make them resent you. The act is a type of psychological manipulation referred to as parental alienation.

Motion plan: Maintain your cool. As a lot as you wish to inform off the hostile co-parent, sustaining a dignified angle will stop intense disagreements. You additionally gained’t need your kids to be emotionally affected by overhearing you and pa arguing.

It might cross your thoughts to name him out for attempting to make the youngsters hate you. Don’t. He’ll inform them nastier issues now that he realizes it hurts you to the core.

#9. Make makes an attempt to sabotage your new relationship

Think about beginning a brand new wholesome and pleased relationship after efficiently eliminating your poisonous ex. The one drawback that is still is having to interface along with her due to shared youngster custody. She might meet your new accomplice in some unspecified time in the future and whisper unwell issues into her ears.

For instance, spilling non-public issues or secrets and techniques about you. Whereas enjoying the sufferer, your ex will paint you as an offended, controlling, and abusive loser. The objective is to destroy your relationship.

Motion plan: A narcissist ex attempting to wreck your new relationship is a revenge tactic. Remind her to maintain the interplay between you two strictly in regards to the welfare of the youngsters. Subsequent, straight up inform her to remain the hell away out of your private life. Communicate to your accomplice about having minimal to no contact together with your ex and clarify why.

#10. Breach court docket orders or agreements

There’s not a lot respect for something, together with the regulation, in the case of narcissistic manipulators. Your ex might cease at nothing to anger you and gained’t suppose twice to ignore the principles of engagement set out by the court docket or an out-of-court settlement between you.

Stop and desist orders, restraining orders, youngster custody or visitation orders, and youngster assist orders don’t imply a factor to malignant or sociopathic narcissists. Your ex might contact you regardless of a restraining order or refuse to pay youngster assist.

Motion plan: Clarify {that a} failure to pay youngster assist locations a monetary burden on you. In fact, he is conscious of the setbacks. He needs to make you ask for cash, so he can really feel superior and in management.

Breaching a restraining order is a critical offense and may put you in hurt’s means. Get to a secure place and alert the police in case your ex comes into your bodily house. Authorized punishment for breaking court docket orders might deter future disobedience of the regulation.

#11. Attempt to win you again

This man may pester you to take him again, even after all of the stunts he pulled. He may not again down in the event you’ve began relationship somebody new. Narc males don’t thoughts competing for a mate. Anticipate apologies that lack sincerity. There will likely be persistent begging and pleading and crocodile tears if that technique doesn’t work.

If not that, it could possibly be idealizing you by saying you’re one of the best he’s ever had. Prepare for a brand new spherical of love-bombing by means of lofty guarantees to alter his habits. He’ll use the issues that make you really feel insecure or empathetic as a method of breaking down your emotional partitions.

Motion plan: You’ve seen this habits earlier than, love-bombing and placing you on a pedestal (idealization stage of abuse). Don’t fall for it. Inform him it’s fully over between you too and it’s for one of the best. Encourage him to maneuver on. In case you take him again, he’ll be good at first, then the narcissistic abuse cycle will begin over again.

Closing Ideas on How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes

The remedy you’re getting is all a part of a big manipulation technique by your ex to create additional emotional hurt, in order that they’ll proceed exploiting and abusing you. You’ll most definitely see the sample of behaviors in the event you discarded them first… since they need to be those discarding you, as a result of robust want for management.

The highway to restoration from narcissistic abuse, even after the connection not exists, can appear daunting. Persistently rejecting your ex and establishing robust boundaries could make them surrender and transfer on quicker.

They might not settle for the breakup, as that may imply acknowledging they misplaced. Greater than probably, they’ll proceed to hover within the background, plotting new methods to both get you again or make your life depressing.

Narcissists normally solely go away after they discovered somebody who gives prime narcissistic provide, e.g., extra consideration, intercourse, cash, or validation. At this level, you’ll be able to breathe with ease and hope they depart you alone– for good! Remember to examine our 5 Phases of Therapeutic & Restoration After Narcissistic Abuse.


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