15 Dos and Don’ts On Texting Your Ex

It’s an age-old query: Must you textual content your ex?

Perhaps you haven’t fully gotten over them, or maybe you continue to have a number of extra issues to get off your chest. 

No matter your cause for eager to hit the ship button, you’re vexed and confused, questioning: What’s the finest plan of action for messaging an ex? 

Is there a time-frame? 

What about holidays and birthdays? Is it acceptable, then?

Effectively, you’re in luck as a result of we’ve bought all of the solutions under, plus tips about tips on how to cease your self from texting your ex.

Is it Poisonous To Textual content Your Ex? 

Whether or not you must textual content your ex is 100% depending on the state of affairs.

For instance:

How lengthy has it been because you final spoke?

How did issues finish?

Are you in the identical buddy group and making an attempt to maintain issues amicable?

Do you reside in the identical space, and texting may simply result in an unadvisable hookup?

As a normal rule, don’t textual content for 12 weeks after the breakup.

Give your self time to mourn the connection.

If, after the blackout interval, you and your ex determine to provide friendship a real shot, texting can begin.

However be sure you’re prepared!

Ought to I Textual content My Ex? 15 Dos and Don’ts To Think about 

When answering the query, “Is it okay to textual content your ex,” by no means say by no means. 

Positive, when you don’t need to come throughout as determined, chorus from messaging in any respect prices.

However in some conditions, it’s completely acceptable — and generally even obligatory.

With that in thoughts, let’s overview a number of eventualities. 

Don’t Textual content Your Ex If…

For those who fall into one of many classes under, do the whole lot in your energy to not press “ship.”

1. You Miss Them, However They’re Not Reciprocating

Is your coronary heart on the ground, smashed and scattered into 1,000,000 items? Do you lie awake at evening, sobbing, with ideas of your ex racing by your head? Be sincere: Are you low-key social media stalking them?

Step away from the cellphone when you answered sure to any of those questions. We repeat: again out!

Don’t persuade your self that they actually love you and are sitting at residence, moping round, ready so that you can textual content. Don’t devise explanation why you completely should speak to them. Finally, don’t cross go!

2. You’re Going By means of a Troublesome Interval

We’re most weak when life steers us by a patch of turbulence. For those who’re at present weathering a storm, and your feelings are cranked to 11, don’t attain out to your ex. 

The underside line is that you simply’re not collectively — for a cause. 

By reaching out, you’ll complicate issues. Plus, you would be setting your self up for extra ache. In any case, what in the event that they don’t reply? Or maybe they get again to you however don’t react as hoped.

Both situation can wreak havoc in your psyche.

3. You’re Lonely

Perhaps you’re not that into your ex both, however you’re feeling lonely, and your nostalgic aspect is urging you to revisit previous relationships. 

First, you’re not alone. Based on a latest research, almost 60% of People really feel like no person genuinely is aware of them. And whereas texting an ex could really feel like a fast repair, attempt to cease your self.

For those who’re craving companionship, attain out to considered one of your pals or relations. It’s safer, and also you’ll keep away from a messy state of affairs that might flip hurtful.

4. Your Household Needs You To Get Again Collectively

Are you over the ex, however your loved ones isn’t? It occurs, and when it does, chances are you’ll really feel caught between a jerk and a beloved-but-misguided onerous place.

Many of us really feel obliged to take their household’s recommendation in these eventualities. Perhaps they know higher than me, and maybe I’m not giving “Chris” a good shot are widespread rationalizations amongst folks on this class. 

However you had been the one within the relationship, so that you get to make the choice.

5. The Breakup Was Unhealthy

Was the breakup a Battle of Towton reenactment? Do you now need to rehash the way it all got here crashing down? Are you satisfied you want “closure?”

We get it. A relationship “exit interview” might be satisfying and, in lots of instances, wholesome. However no rule says closure should contain a dialog with the opposite individual.

Positive, you in all probability have burning questions, and maybe you’re sitting on a number of killer “comebacks” you’re dying to throw of their face.

However 9 instances out of ten, the post-breakup dialogue by no means occurs as you think about. Alas, generally it’s higher to make a clear break and discover closure inside your self.  

6. The Purpose Is To Make Your Ex Jealous

Jealousy is a strong emotion, and many of us attempt to leverage it in a breakup’s wake. Nevertheless it’s a harmful gambit that may backfire spectacularly. 

So if the purpose is to awaken the green-eyed monster, assume twice. Issues can simply go left, and chances are you’ll be the one strolling away coated in slime. 

Phrase on the curb is that your ex is having a tough time and going by a nasty breakup. Relying on how your relationship ended, the information could encourage you to rub it of their face or run again into their arms.

Both manner, texting isn’t a good suggestion. 

The temptation could also be actual, however assume it by. What’s going to you actually achieve by contacting your ex? And what in the event that they ghost you?

How will that really feel? Was the connection an train in sustained toxicity? If that’s the case, do you actually need to welcome that power again? 

8. You Discovered One thing Inconsequential of Theirs

Whereas doing the laundry the opposite day, you found a pair of their sweatpants within the combine. You instantly attain for the cellphone, thrilled you might have an excuse to succeed in out lastly.

However right here’s the issue: You’ve been separated for months, and so they’ve by no means contacted you concerning the lacking sweatpants. 

In these conditions, assume your ex did a telepathic Kondo evaluation, determined the sweatpants didn’t spark pleasure, and opted to not hunt them down. Don’t persuade your self they forgot concerning the pants however would positively need them again. 

To place it one other manner, don’t conjure causes to textual content somebody who’s not tried to contact you because the breakup. It’s a type of hopeful pondering that results in additional rejection.

Do Textual content Your Ex If…

1. You Efficiently Entered the Buddy Zone

Opposite to semi-popular perception, many individuals keep real friendships with former lovers. It takes endurance, respect, and a number of self-reflection, however it’s attainable. 

For those who’ve reached this stage along with your ex, it’s completely nice to textual content them — particularly when you’re shut.

2. You Genuinely Need To Be Mates

Do you genuinely need to keep buds with a former accomplice, and also you’re questioning in the event that they’d like the identical? If that’s the case, sending a “what’s up” textual content could also be nice.

Nonetheless, earlier than firing up the outdated typing fingers, assume lengthy and onerous about whether or not you actually need to stay on this individual’s life — or are you clinging to one thing poisonous out of worry of loneliness?

Additionally, take into account the timing. Have you ever given the connection time to shrivel up and wither away?

Making an attempt to leap right into a friendship instantly hardly ever works. Statistically talking, individuals who wait greater than six months to renew a platonic relationship have a significantly better probability of succeeding.

3. There Was a Demise

You and the ex had been collectively for years and a part of one another’s households. As such, sending condolences upon listening to of a loss of life is the considerate, mature alternative. Even when you discover out months after the very fact, it’s nonetheless acceptable.

Nonetheless, as a substitute of speaking by way of textual content, why not get a card and ship it by snail mail? It retains a wholesome distance if issues are contentious whereas nonetheless permitting you to specific your grief and sympathy.

4. You Genuinely Want One thing Essential From Their Place

You couldn’t care much less about these ratty sweatpants you left at your ex’s place, however you want your delivery certificates tucked away within the “vital doc drawer.” 

Sending a fast message to rearrange a time is okay. Vital, even. 

5. You Co-Father or mother

It’s a no brainer that texting can be a part of the deal when you share kids and co-parent. In these instances, the one events who could get upset are new companions that come into the image.

However the relationship isn’t meant to final if they’ve an issue with you co-parenting.

Individuals who “parallel dad or mum” usually keep away from texting in favor of a structured app constructed particularly for the aim, like OurFamilyWizard or CustodyConnection.

6. You Have a Work Lead for Them

It’s been some time because you broke up, and the 2 of you might have comfortably moved alongside. The connection is amicable to heat, however neither of you is searching for romance with the opposite.

In the future, you be taught of a job alternative for which your ex can be excellent. You would like them no ailing will, so why not share the knowledge by way of textual content, proper?


Networking isn’t a nasty thought. The gig might be appropriate in your ex, and by hooking them up, they’ll be extra inclined to do the identical for you. Just a little mutual back-scratching, if you’ll.

7. You Need To Apologize

Are you the one who tousled? Do you owe your ex a correct apology? If that’s the case, texting could also be one of the best ways to do the deed. (Though, a hand-written letter on stationery is the classiest choice.)

Attempt to not be long-winded. Say your peace and again away. Because you’re the one at fault, your ex can determine tips on how to reply. So put together your self for the worst and hope for the most effective.

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Ought to I Textual content My Ex Completely happy Birthday or Merry Christmas? 

Did issues finish amicably? Are you now pleasant acquaintances? If that’s the case, sending a cheerful observe on particular events could also be acceptable.

For those who achieve this with all of your different buddies, there’s nothing improper with together with an ex-turned-pal. 

Ought to I Textual content My Ex Who Dumped Me? 

If somebody dumps you, settle for that they’re not that into you. Rejection hurts — however you’ll recover from it.

Texting them, particularly repeatedly, shouldn’t be suggested. Don’t attempt to persuade your self they actually love you however are simply scared. If that’s the case, they’ll finally get in contact with you. 

Ought to I Textual content My Ex That I Miss Him? 

In 99% of instances, it’s unwise to textual content your ex simply since you miss them. You broke up for a cause, so honor the choice.

Furthermore, being overeager isn’t a very good look within the romance division. For those who’re buddies now, in fact, texting is okay.

How To Not Textual content Your Ex

You already know you shouldn’t textual content your ex. However you’ve had a number of drinks, you’re feeling lonely, and horrible instincts are urging you to make reckless and regretful choices.

So the query is: How are you going to cease your self from texting them?

Use Expertise: Use an app designed to cease you from texting sure folks or going to sure web sites, like DrunkMode and No Contact Rule.

Bear in mind You’re a Badass: Assured folks have a tendency to maneuver on from unhealthy breakups and don’t get the urge to textual content exes. So work on constructing your shallowness.

Textual content a Journey-or-Die: As a substitute of texting an ex, shoot a message to a very good buddy who is aware of all of the gory particulars. They’ll persuade you to chorus.

Journal: Don’t decide up your cellphone. Seize a pen and journal as a substitute. Write down all the explanations you shouldn’t attain out to your ex. By the point you’re by, the temptation could have dissipated.

Meditate: Wish to strive mindfulness? If that’s the case, as a substitute of texting, do a brief meditation session. If motion is your factor, strive a number of yoga asanas.

Ultimate Ideas

Expertise enhances each day life in extraordinary methods, however generally it makes contacting one’s ex a little bit too straightforward.

So, earlier than you instinctively decide up your cellphone and attain out, assume thrice. Are your motives real, or are you hoping for a rom-com end? 

If it’s the latter, perceive that your desires of a contented ending will probably disintegrate in entrance of your face if the opposite individual has proven zero curiosity in reuniting.


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